Often times people ask me, "Why the heck did I attract this? What could I possibly learn from this experience?" To that I always respond (generally with a giggle) "Oh so much!" And I am not just being optimistic. 

Here are some tips to identify the root issues of your patterns.

In relationships, we spend a lot of time trying to be seen. Our points of view, convincing others to see our side of things, trying to get people to acknowledge the efforts you have put in, etc. No matter how hard you try and be seen and how much you are seen, they are still seeing their point of view from their point of view and vice versa. It is impossible for anyone to completely see your point of view because there is only one seat at that table.

All of your life experiences make you unique in how you perceive things. Scientists have studied this concept for a long time. They have studied consciousness, identical twins, and things like the Mandela effect (false collective memories.)

When is it time to reinvent yourself and start anew? How many times in our lifetime do we have to think about a new phase, a new process, a new you? Why do we even have to go there again and again? Because we are all about cycles, rhythms, and renewal. Our whole physical experience is about cycles and beginning and ending.

Step One: Identify the Habits of Identity

Your thoughts are not the same as your intuition. It can be difficult to discern the difference between the two. Your thoughts are a system of experiences, social conditioning, habits, and the attempt to preserve the ego. But here are some ways to evaluate your thoughts.

When you are in a time of transition, for example moving to a new house, new job, new relationship, etc. you are feeling unclear about where you are headed and nervous about what you are leaving behind. It is a gap between the known to the unknown. But the gap is where the freedom lies.

Right before you start that new job, you can release old patterns of being at work and start fresh. Right before you move to a new house, you can go through your things and clear out the things you no longer need. This is an excellent time to reevaluate, slow down, and recreate.

You are not yet in an automatic pattern or have gone unconscious with your day-to-day. What a great opportunity for awareness and intentionally creating new relationships with you day-to-day.

We have all heard the down and out stories of how people hit rock bottom and that was the catalyst for the rising up. We have heard those stories of triumph over the impossible negativity we see in the world. We are overcoming little "rock bottoms" all of the time. It is our success over our struggles that gives us the trust in ourselves to take risks and carry on. It is the success in our moments of weakness, that remind us of our strength.

Maybe the situation you are in has all the perfect healers in them. They are inviting you reevaluate your life rather than just going through the motions. See if you can find the gift in the chain reaction they have set off for you. Decide if you want to learn your lessons or keep the chain going until you do. Your higher self wants the lesson or you wouldn't be there with it. Send them people who bug you the most gratitude, forgiveness and love and then do the same for yourself.

If you are an empath, you know first hand how everyone is feeling because you feel it too. Empaths have the ability to sense a room with their own senses. They don’t just observe what is happening, they feel it. This can be a blessing and a curse.

The blessing is, you tend to be very compassionate and willing to see someone else’s side of things. The curse is you sometimes can’t tell the difference between your feelings and someone else’s. Learning to manage your empathetic side can turn this skill into a healing gift. Learn more about how to use this gift in my course on energy healing.

Separation and connection are two fundamental aspects of human experience. We are separate individuals with our own unique thoughts, feelings, and set of experiences. Yet we create the reality of who we are as individuals through the eyes of others. Our lives are intertwined with the lives of others, and our actions have a ripple effect on the world around us and how we see ourselves in it.

Let's get real, no one goes through life without the sting of betrayal. It is part of the journey we are on. As you become more aware of the concept that you create your own reality, you must also take responsibility for everything you experience as something you have created.

Although it is a cliché, it is absolutely true. We are playing out energetic patterns of reality we have implanted in our unconsciousness. We attract the same bad job, relationship, friends, etc. (or good ones) because of how we connect with that pattern of relationships.

Consciously using your energy field is easy. The trick is to do it when you are under pressure. The best way to flex this muscle is to practice, so when the pressure comes, you already know how it feels to be balanced.  Giving conscious attention to your energy, arms length around you, is all you really need. Acknowledging how you want to feel in your personal space and who you authentically are.

The Tao Te Ching says "The way takes no action, but leaves nothing undone." This simply means that just by being where you are you will automatically go where you are headed next. Let yourself rest in knowing this and relax. Hold off on requests from the universe for just a minute and see what is already unfolding at your feet. 

People spend a lot of time in my office asking me "Why do I keep attracting this?!" The interesting part of the law of attraction, etc. is that the more we ask that question, the more opportunities we have to answer it with those things we keep attracting. We attract more and more of the things we find so irritating until we figure out why it is we find it irritating, to begin with.

This is a difficult concept for people to get when it comes to the teachings of this manifestation magic. They want to believe they are a victim of their life. Maybe because it is easier than taking full responsibility. Maybe it is because they don't know where to start if they have to think they are the point of focus. Or maybe it has something to do with fitting in with other people who are struggling to manifest the old ways. Whatever the reason people want to reject this idea, is the very reason they are having these experiences.

We often dismiss the whispers. Why? Well, it can be for a variety of reasons, but mostly because we are stuck in one way of being. Until we are ready to adopt a new way of being, we tend to try and stick with our standard plans.

When something comes along and knocks you off of your axis, you tend to throw our arms up and say "why does this always happen to me?" You might try and still cling to the old way of being and responding, making it even harder on yourself and daring the universe to knock you over again. And undoubtedly it will.

I have been a long-time rescuer. Since I was a child I surrounded myself with people in need and offered to help them. I had convinced myself that I was helping everyone. But the truth is I was helping no one and maybe even making it worse. Why? Because I was validating them as a victim. Holding space for their suffering.

Instead, what I could’ve done was hold space for their empowerment. I could have investigated with them, why they were where they are and help them see that they can get themselves out of it. I could have offered them a compassionate witness to their life, rather than seeing them as needing my energy.

I’m glad to say I have begun to learn my lesson. Being an intuitive healer with helping guides helps. They remind me every day that no one is a victim. We are all divinely wise creating our experiences in order to learn.

So how can you tell if you’re empowering someone versus rescuing someone? Here are a few tips I use for myself to keep in alignment with the truth that I can help you grow as an individual, but I can not fix anything for anyone.

I love my job! The conversations I have with the unseen helpers in our lives, always excite me. I am motivated by inspiration, intentions to help and the improvements I see in others.

I am not motivated by the concept of more. Torturing myself to perform unattainable goals set by others, but instead ushering myself into doing even more of what I love. So often I see people motivating themselves through fear or external validation. It keeps them from truly understanding what is theirs to manifest and their intentions are wishy-washy to the universe.

YOUR TRUTH IS ONLY YOURS

To me, we all have a pull to our own truth. A need to identify for ourselves what is and is not for us. We are always being called back to our higher, unified alignment. When we are ready to do it ourselves, your intuition guides you back.

As children, we start off looking at others for the truth but quickly begin to notice that there is a difference between our truth and those around us. It may cause us to rebel, act out, or conform to a way that isn't our true nature.

Don’t be diminished by those around

Start by not diminishing others around you. Even if they are engaging in the shame, blame and judgment as a way to motivate you, don’t play. Go beyond those techniques of manipulation and control and start lifting yourself and other’s up.

If you struggle to do this, that is okay. Start somewhere. Notice that by just setting the mention to drop the need to be right all of the time, shifts your relationships and your life.